If you watch Vanderpump Rules online, you know that much of the show’s fifth season focused on the tumultuous relationship of Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney.
There were times when it seemed the season finale would feature Maloney being loaded into the back of a police car after murdering Schwartz with a jagged tequila bottle, but to the surprise of many, it actually concluded with Tom and Katie’s wedding.
They wrote their own vows and cried at the altar and acted just like two people who aren’t frequently filled with murderous rage for one another.
It was enough to make us think we’d badly misjudged TomKat 2.0 as a couple.
And then, last month, rumors about Schwartz and Maloney getting divorced began to circulate on social media.
Pretty much every married reality TV couple is subjected to this sort of thing at one point or another, but the Tom and Katie Splitsville reports were given extra credence by the fact that the originated with a tweet from friend and co-star Jax Taylor.
For weeks, Schwartz and Maloney were mum on the issue, and the fact that their social media pages offered no indication they’re still together further stoked the flames of speculation.
Last night, however, the Vanderpump couple sat down with E! News during a charity event at SUR and universally dismissed every rumor that their marriage is in trouble:
“We don’t heavily document our lives too much,” Katie said as Tom added:
“I just like putting weird and random stuff on my social media. I didn’t even notice that. It wasn’t an indication of some sort of subconscious reflection of the status of our relationship.”
“We are madly in love,” Maloney went on.
“I feel like marriage really suits us. We’ve been through so much, especially since last summer.”
“Everyone says the first year of marriage is the hardest, but it’s been like 89 percent blissful.”
(Ed note: Who the hell says the first year of marriage is the hardest?)
With his characteristic self-deprecating wit, Schwartz admitted that the relationship hasn’t been all smiles and sunshine:
“We like to think that we exorcised all the bad stuff. We got about 15 years worth of fighting out in about three years, so we’re good now. It’s been smooth sailing.”
“We’re not pretending that we’re perfect. We have our ups and downs, but for the most part—at least relatively speaking in comparison to our earlier relationship—it’s been blissful.”
Hmm … we’re always a little suspicious of people who throw around words like “blissful” a lot.
Brings to mind that one Facebook friend we all have who’s always posting inspirational memes about the importance of kindness, but is one parking ticket away from hurling a cinder block at a meter maid.
Katie wrapped things up by saying that despite the many, many indications to the contrary, all is extremely well in Bubba Land:
“I think having us put our stuff out there on the show, we can’t leave any questions unanswered or any rock unturned,” she told E!.
“We really have to explore it and dive in, and its scary to do that. But I think because we’ve had to do that that, we’ve been able to do a lot of work on ourselves and in our relationship.”
Sounds like someone’s been taking notes during couples counseling!