Look.

We don’t eat fortune cookies because they taste particularly great.

Heck, sometimes we don’t even eat fortune cookies after opening them.

We really just want to read the message inside of these Chinese food treats, which is what makes the following fortunes so disappointing.

As you’re about to find out, they very clearly failed their excited reader at the time they were perused. Big time.

1.
This is Not a Fortune

This is Not a Fortune

Unless you’re telling us that we’re about to get attacked by a bear.

2.
This IS a Fortune

This IS a Fortune

But it’s also just a way of saying that Chinese food is sort of a rip off.

3.
For the Record:

For the Record:

Flying is not simple. And this is not funny!

4.
Run Where?!?

Run Where?!?

Away from a bear, we assume.

5.
And If We Don’t?!?

And If We Don't?!?

What will you do to us, huh?

6.
But It Told Me To Pick Another Cookie

But It Told Me To Pick Another Cookie

And then I did. And it said this. I am SO confused.

Wait! There’s more Times Fortune Cookies Just Plain Failed! Just click “Next” below: