If MTV learned anything from the fist-pumping phenomenon that was Jersey Shore, it’s that reality TV sensations don’t last forever.

As such, the network isn’t wasting any time in cranking out new seasons of its current wildly-popular franchise, Teen Mom.

Last night, another season of Teen Mom: OG came to a close, and the network took the occasion to announce that the long anticipated ninth season of Teen Mom 2 will be debuting July 17!

The Cast of Teen Mom 2 Photo

(Officially, it’s the show’s eighth season, as the most recent installment was referred to as season 7B for legal reasons, but we all know that’s a load of crap.)

Given the amount of drama that’s transpired in the months since the show last wrapped filming, we’re half wondering how producers will cram it all in …

… especially since this season will see the addition of a fifth mom.

Yes, Briana DeJesus will join the cast following a one-season stint on the ill-fated Teen Mom 3.

It’s curious timing, as the show has a whole lot to address as it is.

Here’s what the rest of the girls will be coping with in the season to come:

Briana DeJesus Baby Shower

Jenelle Evans: You might want to start wearing hats on your feet, folks, because we are truly living in an upside-down opposite world where nothing makes sense.

Jenelle recently got engaged to David Eason; she’s welcomed a third child; and sources say she’s committed herself to creating a stable home life.

She’s basically Martha Stewart with just slightly less time behind bars.

Yes, the occasional social media feud with Eason’s sister aside, Jenelle appears to have found genuine domestic contentment.

We hope Satan is a hockey fan.

Jenelle Evans and Baby Ensley Jolie

Kailyn Lowry: We’re guessing producers didn’t have to do much brainstorming to come up with a storyline here.

Kail’s life has been non-stop drama since the cameras stopped rolling on Season 8 (or 7B, if you must. Sigh).

In case you somehow missed it, Kailyn is pregnant with her third child, and the whole thing has been so eventful that she probably could’ve supported a spin-off season all by herself.

We finally learned the identity of Kailyn’s baby daddy after months of secrecy, but that’s just one of the many shocking developments on As the Baby Bump Turns.

Kailyn Lowry Vacation Pic

Leah Messer: Unlike in years past, Leah has actually kept something of a low profile between seasons.

According to The Ashley’s Reality Roundup, Hot Messer’s storyline will revolve around her efforts to launch a life-coaching business.

Yes, Leah has had her sh-t together for like seven or eight months now, so she apparently believed it’s time to help others do the same.

Hey, whatever makes her happy.

Interestingly, The Ashley also says that Leah’s second baby daddy, Jeremy Calvert, will be returning to the show, despite earlier promises to quit.

Leah Messer and Jeremy Calvert Pic

Chelsea Houska: Chelsea would probably beat out Jenelle for the title of Most Stable Teen Mom, were it not for one thing:

Her douche-tastic baby daddy Adam Lind is still a factor in Chelsea’s life, and these days, he’s more ridiculous thn ever.

Lind tested positive for meth recently, and it looks as though he’s soon to lose custody of his daughter with Taylor Halbur.

It remains to be seen if Chelsea will pursue similar legal action against her ex.

Fortunately, her life at home with new husband Cole DeBoer, son Watson, and daughter Aubree remains picture perfect.

Watch Teen Mom 2 online in order to get caught up in what promises to be a doozy of a season … however you choose to number it.