Frost Family Summer Party

These stories about Pippa Middleton’s wedding, OH MY GOD. I cannot believe how much coverage there is about this fakakta wedding. I would understand it a bit more if – I’ll say it! – the Middletons were aristocrats and and it was an actual society wedding featuring “Lady Pippa” marrying some titled lord or whatever. But this is not a society wedding! It is a tabloid wedding which could easily be totally C-list (the bride is pissed off at a reality star, for goodness sake) if not for the presence of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. Anyway, let’s dive in to many of the endless details that are saturating the gossip-media:

The honeymoon. According to E! News, Pippa and Terribly Moderately Wealthy James Matthews plan to honeymoon in the French Alps. A source says they just want to “feel like they are alone” and “Both of them are so stressed right now, they just want to go away and feel like the only two people in the world. The wedding started out as such a small thing and has kind of escalated into this huge circus. [The honeymoon] will be the perfect chance to just unwind and enjoy the first days of married life. They’re calling it ‘The Escape!’ Seriously. That’s how much they just want to have privacy.” Going to the French Alps in late May is very off-season for a ski resort, right? They’re apparently renting a chalet and not hiring any staff. My first thought was… I bet that’s cheaper. They’re painting this as a decision made so they can get away from drama, but really they were looking for something cheap. Which makes me wonder again if Matthews really is as terribly rich as we initially thought.

Pippa’s Bridal Boot Camp. If the term “bridal boot camp” makes your eye twitch, you are not alone. According to E!, Pippa bought a Bridal Membership at the “Grace Belgravia health club in London.” The membership includes “a personal trainer, skincare and leg toning treatments, plus yoga, pilates, spinning, cardio training, dance and meditation classes. The club also offers to arrange home deliveries of specialized healthy meals.” The Bridal Membership also includes access to a “team of doctors and specialists” who will give her “botox, peels, fillers, microdermabrasion and an assortment of laser treatments, as well as IV therapies.” So if Pippa shows up to her wedding looking like Nicole Kidman, we know what happened. I also believe Pippa is being paid by Grace Balgravia for these kinds of tabloid mentions, just as her body is being sponsored by SirtFoods. Again… is she poor? Why is she selling so much of her wedding??

The costume changes. We already heard that Pippa is “demanding” that guests change their clothes for the reception, and the Daily Beast spoke to a wedding-organizing expert who basically says that Pippa’s not a diva for that. The organizer says, “It is increasingly common to suggest to guests that they might want to wear different clothes in the evening. It’s quite demanding, but it only truly becomes Bridezilla when they specify the colour they want the guests in. It’s actually quite a good way of letting your guests know that you are planning to do some seriously wild partying in the evening, and what might be appropriate for church won’t necessarily work at midnight on the dancefloor.” Which is what I thought too – the Middletons are going to throw a huge party and they want people to have fun. The Daily Beast actually goes on at length about how Pippa’s a great party planner and she will have saved her best ideas for her own wedding. I kind of doubt it, you guys.

BHF arrivals

Photos courtesy of WENN.