On Friday morning, Donald Trump went on a tweeting binge that left his staffers openly screaming “Jesus Christ” to reporters. As in, “Jesus Christ, I cannot believe this orange buffoon is president.” Facing what it is now clearly a constitutional crisis in which America becomes a banana republic led by a petty, baby-fisted and demented dictator, Trump decided that he was the only one in the country who REALLY knows what’s happening. First he complained about all of the lies coming out of his communications office: “As a very active President with lots of things happening, it is not possible for my surrogates to stand at podium with perfect accuracy!….” As in, people are lying because he’s lying and then everybody keeps getting caught in lies. Then Trump threatened to withhold the press’s daily briefing, which… ?? At this point, the briefing is just material for the SNL skits. But this tweet was the pièce de résistance:

As in, Trump seems to be saying that he has tapes of James Comey. In the White House. Because Trump is taping conversations in the White House?? Comey reportedly “isn’t worried” about any tapes, if they exist. And when Sean Spicer was asked about the “tapes,” Spicer said: “The president has nothing further to add on that.” As in, no confirmation or denial. At this point, anything is f–king possible.

Anyway, here are some other political headlines:

CNN: “Isolated and agitated, Trump rattles White House from within.” Basically, White House staffers feel “dejected” and VP Pence is “a little rattled” by how crazy this past week has been. Even Emperor Baby Fists has been feeling dejected – he is reportedly feeling “increasingly isolated and agitated” because he had to go one “full week without hearing the applause and adulation that often brightens his mood.” He’s a f–king child and a psychopath.

NY Mag: “Trump Has Sparked the Biggest Political Crisis Since Watergate.” This is basically a cogent analysis of everything that has happened in the past week and how crazy it is that we have a president who admits to obstruction of justice in the middle of an NBC interview.

Politico: “Trump blasts ‘chorus of critics’ in commencement address.” Baby Fists whined about his “critics” during Liberty University’s commencement address. He also said words about how Americans “worship God, not the government.”

CNN: “Sources: Rosenstein sees no need for special prosecutor in Russia probe.” Rod Rosenstein is the same Deputy AG who wrote the letter about the need for James Comey to go. He has the authority to unilaterally (?) appoint a special prosecutor. But he’s not going to… yet. According to sources, Rosenstein wants the current DOJ/FBI investigation to continue doing its thing.

CNN: “Jared and Ivanka stay out of the spotlight amid Comey fallout.” Precious Ivanka and her husband have been in the wind all week. When the going gets tough in Trumpland, Jared and Ivanka go home and and hide out until the controversy blows over. Dear American people: do not let Precious Ivanka baby-whisper her way out of treason charges.

Photos courtesy of Getty.