1. Let’s start at the very beginning which, they say, is a very good place to start:
2. We begin with a nightmare performance. (In Bring It On it’s an actual dream and in Pitch Perfect they wish it was.) This performance is led by the BITCH WHO IS GRADUATING.
3. During this performance, something super embarrassing happens to the UPTIGHT BLONDE GIRL.
4. It’s the start of a new school year, and our UPTIGHT BLONDE GIRL has a lot to prove to her team now that BITCH WHO IS GRADUATING has, well, graduated. They are looking for *fresh* talent and find it in an unexpected place: The QUIRKY NEW OUTSIDER.
5. But, of course, there has to be an AUDITION SEQUENCE before any official decisions are made.
6. Here’s the thing about our QUIRKY NEW OUTSIDER. She is obvi way too cool for the team she’s trying out for, but decides to give it a whirl as a last resort because her real passion is unavailable. Of course, she refuses to conform to the generic old audition, so she just kind of wings it with her own unique shit.
7. Yay! They made it! But it’s not all easy from there. Once our girls are in place, they are confronted with the SUPER BIG PROBLEM. In Bring It On it’s the fact that Big Red was stealing routines and in Pitch Perfect it’s that their routines were super-boring and stale in the first place. This leads to the DISAPPOINTING INITIAL COMPETITION.
8. We briefly interrupt the plot to introduce some of our male cast. There’s the CULTURED NICE GUY…
11. Anyways, our QUIRKY NEW OUTSIDER ultimately decides that if she can’t beat ‘em—join ‘em. She realizes her life is so much better with the team because sisterhood (rah rah rah!). This is supposed to give you all the feels.
12. It turns out that a good attitude and some work are all you need to turn a kinda shitty team into an awesome one. Drumroll please! It’s time for the RAPIDLY PREPARED BUT SOMEHOW EPIC FINAL PERFORMANCE.
Universal, Universal / Via gph.is
13. (Don’t worry: the VERY OVERDRESSED ANNOUNCERS are present for the festivities.)
14. BTW, the CULTURED NICE GUY’s fave culture thingy somehow influenced our girls’ final show…and he’s there in the audience for support.
16. And then leave the door open for a NEVER ENDING SUPPLY OF SEQUELS.
17. THE END.
- Are you convinced by this *evidence*?