2. The occasion this time? The premiere of a little indie film called Guardians of the Galaxy 2.

3. Since plebes like you and me rarely get to attend big fancy events, Anna was gracious enough to document every moment leading up to the big night. Let’s dive in, shall we?

4. 8:24a.m.: Anna in front of her shower. The important thing to note here is that this is not a shower for mere mortals like us, but a beautiful stone shower with glass doors that don’t even slide.

5. 8:27a.m.: Shit, Anna got distracted by her ridiculously comfortable bed and probably a shirtless Chris Pratt. I’m just riffing here, but I prefer to live in a world where Chris Pratt never wears shirts.

6. 8:32a.m.: Well, well, apparently my Spidey senses aren’t working because Chris was neither in that room nor was he shirtless. But he does do yoga, so that’s cool.

832 am. Chris just got back from yoga. Doesn’t know what I’m up to yet. Will he be annoyed? Let’s find out.

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

7. 9:01a.m.: Anna gets distracted by old photos of her son Jack playing with a snake. Let’s move past this, snakes are gross.

This isn’t happening right now. Scrolling through photos though and this seemed like a way to exploit my child. 901… https://t.co/JsRkU2q0AW

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

8. 9:18a.m.: Update! Anna has finally showered!

918am. Guess who showered but clearly didn’t wash face very well? Also morn news a little boring today

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

9. 9:29a.m.: Anna attempts to fix blurry TV. Fails.

You’re so right! 929 am. Tried to fix tv. Can’t cause I’m merely an actress https://t.co/WKs7nrbyML

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

10. 11:03a.m.: One day, historians will still be trying to figure out what happened in the hour and 34 minutes from when Anna tried to fix the TV to when these guys tried to fix the pool. It’s a huge gap in the narrative, but let’s carry on. Important things here: These guys are now 100,000,000x more famous than you are and so are the rats that chewed through the wires.

1103am. Nice pool guys fixed the cover. Said I could tweet their photo. Rats chewed through wires!

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

11. 11:48a.m.: Anna wanted to be very direct here, in case you mistakenly thought this was chocolate toast or blueberry toast. It’s NOT. It’s RAISIN TOAST. Unclear if the bite was taken pre or post toasting, but that’s a conversation for another time.

1148am. Raisin toast

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

12. 12:03p.m.: Anna was so distracted by her own cuteness that she forgot to tell us this happened at 12:03. Lucky for her, Twitter never forgets.

Going through photos again. This is chris kissing my freezing nose in Tokyo please don’t vomit. I just did.

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

13. 12:14a.m. (but really p.m.): Stars! They’re just like us! They confuse am and pm! Here is the part where I am confused. Didn’t Anna wash her hair during 9:08’s shower? Did she wash it again? Or is she just showing off her clean tresses?

1214am. Washed my hair and trying to show you guys.

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

14. 12:17p.m.: Update: Anna is schooled on AM vs. PM.

Damn-totally right. I hope nobody asks me questions tonight. 1217 pm https://t.co/RyDgimMmF6

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

15. 12:29pm: Anna wants to wear this T-shirt to the premiere. She’s so relatable!

1229pm. Can I wear my favorite T tonight?

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

16. *CERAMIC ANIMAL BREAK* We have a HARD OUT here at 5:15p.m. Can they make it????

This photo that has nothing to do with what I’m about to tell you. I have to leave here at 515 pm. This is importan… https://t.co/NdRTWIpmj1

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

17. 1:13p.m.: Alex has arrived on the scene with a suitcase but fuck their garage is so large and I’m going to be poor forever.

113pm. Good news! My friend Alex just showed up. With a suitcase. Does she know she can’t move in yet?

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

18. 2:16p.m.: Time for a pedicure! Spotted: Large bucket and a pumice stick. Pumice is a weird word.

216pm. Getting my nails done. This is about to start getting a little Hollywood gross but hang in there.

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

19. 2:34p.m.: Ashlie is very sweet and she is also very unique because she’s not an Ashley or an Ashlee or an Ashleigh but an ASHLIE. Meanwhile, Alex seems a lot like you and me and cannot figure out the fancy shower.

My friend Ashlie is so sweet 234pm. We are going light pink. Alex finally figured out how to turn the shower on.

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

20. 3:11p.m.: What the fuck Bridget???

311pm @BridgetBrager not taking hair styling seriously.

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

21. 3:17p.m.: No stars were actually harmed in the making of this tweet.

317pm. Now I’m being assaulted.

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

22. 4:03p.m.: This is the most important photo of the day. Let’s zoom in.

Now it’s getting real. Chris may be annoyed. 403pm

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

23. Where to begin???? Is it with Chris’ facial situation? Is it with the adorable family portrait scrawled lovingly on the mirror? Is it the part of the mirror on the right that is apparently reserved for measuring Chris’ various muscles? Is it Chris’ various muscles in general? Is it ISLAND TIME? Those are your options.

24. 4:15p.m.: ALERT! Jack is peeing outside by the pool! It is very good this happened AFTER the pool guys came to fix the pool.

415pm. Our bathrooms clearly aren’t working

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

25. 4:27p.m.: Shit’s getting real and Anna’s getting her lips done. There are also various pictures on display, including a large framed portrait of trees. Nice.

427pm. Lip color application. I love you guys for hanging there

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

26. 4:56p.m.: Anna is considering a career change. Chris is getting a blowout.

456pm. My backup plan is to become a photo journalist

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

27. 5:06p.m.: This is where we take stock of the characters in our little tale. We’ve got the pool dudes, Alex, Ashlie, Bridget, makeup artist wearing black with black nails, mysterious background makeup person (see 3:17) and these two jewelry connoisseurs with their very ‘chella friendly tops. Add Anna, Chris and Jack and that’s a total of 12 people. It takes a village.

506pm. Jewelry!!

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

28. 5:13p.m.: Is Anna going commando?? Are we really only at the underwear stage when there are but two minutes left before the Pratt/Farises need to get out the door?

513pm. No boy shorts apparently

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

29. 5:19p.m.: We are a little late, but I think it’s going to be okay. Mysterious pal from 3:17 makes another appearance here and it’s good to know she is well-hydrated. It’s been a long day.

519pm. No time for my usual wit! We got to go!!

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

30. 5:40p.m.: One time Chris Pratt blamed me for being late. It was awesome.

540pm. Running late. Chris blames you guys. Seriously.

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

31. 6:02p.m.: Nope, this isn’t the beginning of La La Land! Chris and Anna made it! And boy was the journey riveting.

602pm. Here we gooooo!!!!!!

— Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris)

32. THE END. Doesn’t this photo mean SO MUCH MORE knowing how much *effort* went into it??? Goals.

Frederic J. Brown / AFP / Getty Images

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